Some powerful moments contain all four of the following characteristics, but they might not have them all: elevation (fun/surprise), pride, insight, and connectivity. EPIC Is a handy acronym to remember these four types of defining moments.
You elevate moments by increasing the sensory input, by breaking the script, and/or by raising the stakes
Defining moments catch us at our best and cause great pride. They are moments in which we see how much we’ve grown, what we’ve accomplished or overcome, etc.
In some youth sports leagues, they filmed the kids before and after to show them them how much they’ve improved during the year.
In marriages, they recommend having an “anniversary track record” in which you discuss what you’ve accomplished together, what you’re bickering about, what you’re thinking about, what you’ve done, where you’ve traveled, etc. This will help show both of you how you’ve grown together and what you’ve accomplished
For insight-based moments, you must set it up so that the insights can be reached quickly and by the audience themselves. You must not give the answers away.
At the beginning of his tenure, the head of Microsoft Azure had his team build an app using Azure. They quickly found out how difficult it was and changed how the database and process was structured
Community Led Total Sanitation (CLTS) asks open ended questions in Third World countries about where and how they defecate. They don’t force any solutions or insights on the people they question, but their questions spur insights and make it their idea to change their sanitation practices.
It is far more effective to gain self-insight through action and studying our behaviors than merely studying our thoughts. Action leads to insight far more often than insight leads to action
Great mentors have high standards and push their mentees. They also make sure to provide assurance, direction, and support. This stretches the mentee and leads to self-insight. The purpose of stretching is not success but learning and self-insight
Create shared moments through synchronicity, shared pain, and by showing that what you’re doing really matters
Relationships flourish when the other person responds to us. This takes caring, understanding, and validation. If we want more moments of connection, we need to be more responsive to others