The Courage to Be Disliked by Fumitake Koga, Ichiro Kishimi
Past doesn’t matter - None of us live in an objective world, but instead in a subjective world that we ourselves have given meaning to. The world you see is different from the one I see, and it’s impossible to share your world with anyone else.
Trauma doesn’t exist -This was a very new and revolutionary point. “No experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure. We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences—the so-called trauma—but instead we make out of them whatever suits our purposes. We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining.” We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to those past experiences. Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself, and you are the one who decides how you live.
The first step to change is knowing - The important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment.
Unhappiness Is Something You Choose for Yourself
People can change at any time, regardless of the environments they are in. You are unable to change only because you are making the decision not
Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage. One might say you are lacking in the courage to be happy.
“No matter what has occurred in your life up to this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on.” That you, living in the here and now, are the one who determines your own life.
All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems
One tries to get rid of one’s feeling of inferiority and keep moving forward. One’s never satisfied with one’s present situation—even if it’s just a single step, one wants to make progress. One wants to be happier. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the state of this kind of feeling of inferiority. There are, however, people who lose the courage to take a single step forward, who cannot accept the fact that the situation can be changed by making realistic efforts.
The condition of having a feeling of inferiority is a condition of feeling some sort of lack in oneself in the present situation.
The healthiest way is to try to compensate through striving and growth.